Ode to Our Elected Officials

Last week’s headline was quite salacious
“Gov. With Latina Quite Curvaceous”
Guess he found someplace finer
Than his home state of South Carolina

Who’d have expected such an abomination
From the chair of the Republican Governors Association?
It would almost be hilarious
If the situation were not so precarious

Now it’s anyone’s guess who is going to be
The presidential nom for the GOP
They’ve lost Ensign and now Sanford too
Oh, what are the good ol’ boys gonna do?

With all the trouble that they’ve had
That chick from Alaska ain’t looking so bad
A start toward 2012 that is anything but auspicious
But oh, how exceedingly delicious!

What a jolt from a man so very feckless
Conduct absolutely reckless
For his spouse and kids we do mourn
As he is now the object of public scorn

We are quite surprised he had such temerity
Considering the consequences and their severity
“I just met a girl named Maria” he is reported to have said
She rendered him unable to think with his (larger) head

At the Atlanta airport he was given away
In Buenos Aires he wanted to stay
Far had he been from the Appalachian Trail
His staffers just happy his paramour was not male

In that vein, for release he did not have to beg
Certainly he was no Larry Craig
And while his behavior does appall
At least he wasn’t getting it in a bathroom stall

The impact of his actions was far from de minimus
Seems he was getting his own package stimulus
Not home with his boys on Father’s Day
With his sweet little novia would he rather play

Back in the 90’s he voted to impeach
For him Clinton’s saga had no lesson to teach
Though not with an intern named Lewinsky
His chica was surely also on bended knee

His cheating is not what got his cronies hot under their collars
Their ire wasn’t raised till they learned he had used tax dollars
None seemed to mind that while at home surely was he pretending
Only now are they perturbed that state money he was spending

His emails made public for all to read
At least they’re more vibrant than his legislative screed
What’s with these Republicans and their illicit trysts today
Don’t they get enough pleasure writing checks to the NRA?

To be fair, it’s rampant across the aisle too
Plaguing not just the red but also the blue
And while the right have turned pro at getting off their rocks
The Dems have the gov who f#%*ed in his socks

And lets not forget the guy from the Garden State
Who let an Israeli man determine his fate
And what about our friend with the pricey hair
His wife was getting chemo but he didn’t seem to care

Back to our hero Mark who claims it is love true
Just what, I ask, in fairness, is a married man to do?
Bow to public pressure? With his wife and children stay?
It seems to me that this champ needs an ending less cliché

To Argentina our protagonist should depart
Do not cry for him in this matter of the heart
And if he fails to find his destiny with this particular mujer
At least he can come back for an appearance on Colbert!